All I ever seemed to get was the vicarious thrill of Susan's firm yet... I berated myself for these thoughts. Pissing off the Almighty was not the way to go. Ah fuck it! I'd read Dante's Inferno and the Niven and Pournelle update of it. Even though my memories of the details of Hell's geography were a bit hazy, I knew the topography. If I ended up in Hell I was pretty sure I could navigate my way out of it. I'd have all eternity anyway. A memory of the final cantos filtered through to my consciousness and I laughed silently. 'When Hell freezes over', is a common expression, but according to Dante the centre of Hell is a frozen plain! Since Hell freezing over was supposed to be an uncommon occurrence then, maybe, me getting to re-live some other, more personally satisfying, experiences was more likely, now that I was conscious of the fact that Hell was already frozen. Then again what if Dante was wrong?As this mish-mash of connected yet random thoughts whirled through my mind, I. Unable to bear hearing the ensuing chorus, my first impulse was to run upstairs, pull the radio out of the wall, fling it out the window, and watch it smash to pieces, so much like this relationship. Yet, when I heard the words and listened to them, as if hearing them for the first time, even though I mindlessly heard and would even sing to this song a million times before, the song crumbled me. ‘Cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t. Here in the dark, in these final hours I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel the power, But you won’t, No you won’t. ‘Cause I can’t make you love me If you don’t. As I sat on the front steps paying more attention to the lyrics than I ever had before, while already missing William, I knew that this song played for me and was my first step in letting him go and getting over him. I’ll close my eyes, then I won’t see The love you don’t feel When you’re holdin me. Mornin will come And I’ll do what’s.
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